Perspective is a Game Changer: Trying vs Thriving

THRIVING

The word one of my dynamic mentors, Lisa, suggested I use in place of the word TRYING during a conversation we had about two years ago. Now obviously the word itself is not foreign to me, but until she suggested it, it was a foreign concept on applying it to my life. After our chat, I took some time to unpack why it was so easy for me to say trying on a day to day vs this concept of thriving and what it really means to me.

Let me tell you, I sat with it for a while.

As a Black and Latinx identifying woman I was taught to work hard and really try my best to succeed. The odds have always been stacked against us (as well as other marginalized groups) so it’s important for us to put the effort in day in and day out to reach our goals. But when you really take a moment to dissect the word ‘try’ it doesn’t always support the effort in the most positive way. Sure, when you are learning something or doing something for the first time, making an effort to try is important. But when you are doing your day to day or things that relate to your work and progress ‘to try’ almost feels like a throwaway for what you’ve already brought to the table.

Have I lost you at this point? Or maybe not? Either way, hear me out as I break it down a bit more….

According to Merriam-Webster the definition of try:

“to make an effort to do something: to attempt to accomplish or complete something” - attempt being the key word here.

Ex: I don't know if I can do it, but I'll try; Keep trying. You can do it.

How does the word feel now for you? Do you feel like you are attempting to do things and not succeeding?

Let’s review some synonyms for try: aim, test, stab - again doesn’t feel really supportive.

Now let’s explore thrive. According to Merriam-Webster the definition of thrive:

“to progress toward or realize a goal despite or because of circumstances, to grow or develop successfully: to flourish or succeed”

Ex: going to a school for gifted students will help him thrive as a musical prodigy

How is this word feeling for you? Does it make you feel like you are working towards actualizing a goal of some sort?

Let’s review some synonyms for thrive: develop, grow, rise - not only do these words feel more supportive, but also hopeful.

Now that I’ve had my teacher moment, let’s get back to why using the word thriving can be a game changer.

Even though it took me time to unpack the difference and why I should use it in my life; my use of the word in my day to day was pretty seamless. Once I understood the notion of thriving it opened up a supportive space for me to feel like I am doing my best while still working towards my goals in a healthy way.

Fast forward to present day, I’ve had several conversations over the past few days with family, friends and colleagues who have used the word trying in the most natural way during our conversations. Like my mentor suggested to me 2 years ago, I have now become that person suggesting that they consider the word thrive instead. The moments of clarity I’ve observed from those family members, friends and even some of my peers reminded me how I felt when the word was first introduced to me. We often spend so much time ‘trying’ to do better, forgetting that we are actually thriving through it the best we can.

I’m telling you perspective is a game changer! The reality is you are past “trying” to do something when you are actually doing it so why still use the word?

It was important for me to share my thoughts on this because it truly changed my perception and like our good sis Kelli said:

Gif via Tenor